The Telling

My parents came over to deliver the big news. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers. My mother gleefully told me that my dad was going to buy a farm, become a farmer again and join the fire department.

Then she left for Maui. On her own.

As the bomb dropped, i was at first unable to process it and then it hit, in the middle of work. The tears kept coming and I, at my trendy cafe style desk, couldn’t stop them.

As a single mom of three of the most wonderful kids ever, I have a great life. I have a full time job and am in my second year of grad school studying International Community Development. Entering my final quarters as my thesis looms, is not the most ideal of situation but I grow through hard times as if they were walks upon, yet another path.

I am grateful for a dear friend who taught me how to feel. As a thinker, my brain acts as a conduit for my thoughts but they never go anywhere. They swirl in the endless vortex of my mind. I have seized the self pity mode and now move through it with experience and grace.

So now, as my mom forgets more of her past, it is time to embrace all that is coming forth. I want to publish her book. I want to bring her the rest and peace that I have found and help her own mind to relax into feeling. Feelings are a critical part of who we are and if not nurtured, they can create a barrier to releasing all that we have inside. My friend told me once, “you think when you should feel and you feel when you should think”. I took this advice to heart and now I try to learn from my thoughts – morphing them into feelings that bring the release that is needed to be grounded.

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